Herald Staff Writer

La Plata County emergency-service agencies handle calls that deal with the comedic as well as the criminal.

How else to explain the report of a naked man with a light on his head on the Animas River Trail or the call from a man who identified himself as Lady Gaga’s son and said he’d been kidnapped?

In 2014, emergency dispatchers took 133,013 calls – 70,652 for law enforcement, 56,413 for fire agencies and 5,948 for animal control. Durango police handled 38,792 calls.

“Every call is investigated – five minutes to a couple of days,” Police Chief Jim Spratlen said. “We do not ignore calls.”

Here are some of the stranger calls reported to police and published by The Durango Herald:

January

Jan. 1 – 1:31 a.m. A woman said she found bugs in her bed at the Budget Inn, 3077 Main Ave.

Jan. 3 – 2:20 a.m. A couple waiting for a taxi vomited in the lobby at the Durango Downtown Inn, 800 Main Ave.

Jan. 4 – 12:56 a.m. Someone burned Ramen Noodles in the 3200 block of West Second Avenue. Police and firefighters responded.

Jan. 4 – 2:53 p.m. A Christmas tree was in the road in the 1300 block of East Third Avenue.

Jan. 6 – 8:12 p.m. Someone was throwing urine on employees in the emergency room at Mercy Regional Medical Center.

Jan. 7 – 10:28 p.m. A woman said her boyfriend was going crazy in the 600 block of Arroyo Drive, but they were not fighting.

Jan. 8 – 6:14 p.m. Someone called 911 and hung up. A dispatcher called back, and a man answered to say his wife was going crazy. Police responded and made an arrest.

Jan. 16 – 1:37 p.m. A person continuously was hitting a sign with his vehicle near a fire hydrant at 400 South Camino del Rio and East Frontage Road.

Jan. 23 – 12:01 p.m. Five women were dropping acid at the Durango Skate Park, 1300 Roosa Ave.

Jan. 23 – 7:42 p.m. A man was selling political buttons in the middle of the sidewalk in front of Magpies Newsstand Café, 707 Main Ave.

February

Feb. 1 – 11:34 p.m. A guest staying at the Best Western Rio Grande Inn was reported throwing ice at nearby cars.

Feb. 5 – 6:08 p.m. Someone reported being harassed by a camp of homeless people while hiking half a mile up a trail near Ella Vita Court.

Feb. 7 – 6:21 a.m. A waste management truck crashed into a light pole in a parking lot, 901 Camino del Rio.

Feb. 19 – 12:54 a.m. A dog was scratching on doors at the DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio. It was unknown who owned the dog.

Feb. 21 – 1:40 a.m. Someone was arrested for sleeping under a tree near the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad, 479 Main Ave.

Feb. 23 – 10:27 p.m. A bloody syringe was found in a bathroom at Walmart, 1155 S. Camino del Rio.

March

March 4 – 10:22 a.m. A suspicious woman was reported to have been carrying a hatchet outside of Manna Soup Kitchen, 1100 Avenida del Sol.

March 8 – 4:20 p.m. A saddled horse was reported running in the street on the 3100 block of Junction Street heading toward Main Avenue.

March 9 – 1:54 p.m. A man reported a driver of a truck threw a stuffed animal out the window at him on Florida Road (County Road 250).

March 10 – 7:34 p.m. A large truck illegally was pumping water from a hydrant in the 200 block of East Animas Road (County Road 250) and the 100 block of Metz Lane.

March 17 – 6:32 p.m. A suspicious man reportedly was walking around wearing a gas mask, a maroon hooded sweatshirt and large black backpack at Main Avenue and College Drive.

March 18 – 10:17 a.m. Someone reported burying a body the previous night at Three Springs.

March 31 – 1:49 p.m. The driver of a semitrailer received a verbal warning for parking on the sidewalk at Walmart, 1155 South Camino del Rio.

April

April 1 – 7:15 a.m. An intoxicated man with a stick was arrested at McDonald’s, 201 College Drive.

April 1 – 7:14 p.m. Someone called the police and rambled about people having methamphetamine.

April 4 – 8:53 a.m. A man wanted to talk to police about golf balls being hit into his yard in the 1200 block of East Fourth Avenue.

April 8 – 6:07 a.m. A woman received a verbal warning for jogging in the street and not moving aside for traffic on Florida Road.

April 13 – 12:53 a.m. An intoxicated man was reported to be in a tree in the 700 block of Main Avenue.

April 15 – 7:40 a.m. A group of people received a stern warning for camping in a parking lot near Alpine Auto Doctors, 1479 Colorado Highway 3.

April 27 – 8:55 a.m. A man was snoozing in a sleeping bag at the side of the Visitors Center in Santa Rita Park.

May

May 6 – 4:41 p.m. A man with a long, gray beard was holding a cardboard sign in the 600 block of Main Avenue that read “Free Weed.”

May 9 – 11:02 a.m. A child reportedly called 911 and kept saying hello in Spanish.

May 15 – 8:50 p.m. A man reportedly was putting rocks in the road and screaming at El Paso Street and Eastlawn Avenue.

May 16 – 8:26 p.m. A woman reported being locked inside a movie theater room at Allen Theaters, 900 Trans Lux Drive.

May 17 – 2:50 p.m. Someone reported a man accidentally receiving $3,000 from a teller at Walmart, 1155 South Camino del Rio.

May 26 – 12:54 a.m. A man reportedly was standing outside Moe’s with bats and knives, 937 Main Ave.

May 29 – 5:59 p.m. Someone reported finding a bat in the men’s public bathroom at Santa Rita Park, 149 South Camino del Rio.

May 30 – 1:28 p.m. A suspicious man reportedly was selling dogs from a truck near south City Market, 6 Town Plaza.

June

June 4 – 9:23 a.m. Someone reported a duck and duckling in the middle of the road, 500 Camino del Rio.

June 11 – 10:28 a.m. Someone reported a stolen inflatable dinosaur from Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad, 479 Main Ave.

June 15 – 7:57 a.m. Suspicious men reportedly were carrying a suitcase of beer and heading toward the river.

June 22 – 8:12 p.m. A Walmart employee reported a man trying to sell marijuana to other sales associates, 1155 South Camino del Rio.

June 22 – 10:51 p.m. A man called the police to report he and a friend were locked in at Greenmount Cemetery, 900 Cemetery Road.

July

July 5 – 10:21 p.m. A naked man with a light on his head was seen by Schneider Park on the Animas River Trail, 1235 Camino del Rio.

July 7 – 1:24 a.m. Two portable potties were reported to be on fire near the BMX track, 460 South Camino del Rio.

July 7 – 5:02 p.m. A man called 911 to report his satellite television was not working.

July 16 – 8:24 p.m. Someone called police to report that a deer was blocking traffic at 18th Street and Main Avenue.

July 20 – 9:20 a.m. A man was throwing knives at a tree and the ground at Folsom Park, 11 Folsom Place. He was arrested.

July 19 – 7:49 p.m. A Walmart customer reportedly was buying ingredients to make meth, 1155 South Camino del Rio.

July 19 – 9:03 p.m. Someone forgot his or her son at Home Depot, 1301 South Camino del Rio.

July 24 – 7:44 a.m. Someone reported seeing an abandoned barbecue grill on the east side of the road in the 100 block of Rock Point Drive.

July 27 – 3:05 a.m. A trolley driver called the police to report she had received a “tip,” which consisted of a suspicious substance, possibly cocaine, 105 Sawyer Drive.

August

Aug. 7 – 10:40 p.m. A child reportedly fell out of the Ferris wheel at the La Plata County Fair, 2500 Main Ave.

Aug. 13 – noon. An intoxicated man was passed out in a planter by the Thai Kitchen Cafe, West 11th Street.

Aug. 13 – 1:14 p.m. Someone reported seeing an irate bicyclist in the southwest corner of Ninth Street and East Third Ave.

Aug. 19 – 3:28 p.m. Two men were “play fighting” at the Durango Community Recreation Center, and one man accidentally was knocked unconscious, and the other left the scene, 2700 Main Ave.

Aug. 20 – 12:18 a.m. A person reportedly was boisterous and imbibing in alcohol near a church, 556 East Fifth Ave.

Aug. 20 – 3:25 p.m. A woman called the police saying her landlord was harassing her about painting a wall in the 2900 block of Main Avenue.

September

Sept. 4 – 6:18 p.m. A man, holding up a book mocking Jesus, was standing in front of traffic at the intersection of College Drive and East Eighth Avenue.

Sept. 6 – 2:09 p.m. A woman in the 2400 block of Arroyo Drive got help when she reported that her toilet was leaking and couldn’t turn off the water.

Sept. 11 – 7:14 a.m. A woman on Jenkins Ranch Road called police because her 12-year-old son was refusing to go to school.

Sept. 11 – 12:20 p.m. A woman called police to report shoes hanging on the phone line near her house in the 800 block of East Fourth Avenue.

Sept. 19 – 4:16 p.m. A naked woman was seen running around and screaming at Buckley Park, 1250 Main Ave.

October

Oct. 4 – 1:17 a.m. A woman with an open container who claimed to be a law-enforcement officer was refusing to leave Denny’s Restaurant, 666 Camino del Rio.

Oct. 9 – 5:41 p.m. A man in the 1400 block of Florida Road called police to report that someone said snipers were watching him (the caller).

Oct. 9 – 8:29 p.m. A man was seen running with a purse at Main Avenue and west College Drive.

Oct. 17 – 4:59 p.m. A customer at City Cleaners took a wedding dress without paying for it, 21760 U.S. Highway 160 West.

Oct. 19 – 1:51 a.m. A naked woman was seen walking toward downtown from Subway, 1537 Florida Road.

Oct. 19 – 12:34 p.m. A man was seen loitering outside the Durango Toy Depot holding a sign that read “not going to lie,” 658 Main Ave.

Oct. 20 – 9:19 p.m. A man called 911 and said “never mind” and hung up in the 21300 block of U.S. Highway 160 west.

Oct. 22 – 9:16 p.m. A man staying at the Ramada Inn, 3030 Main Ave., was seen standing outside naked.

November

Nov. 3 – 9:19 a.m. Young drivers were doing doughnuts in a Tech Center parking lot.

Nov. 5 – 6:31 p.m. A woman behind Christina’s Grill & Bar cut a goat loose with a knife and then threatened a person, 21382 U.S. highway 160, in west Durango.

Nov. 8 – 4:49 p.m. A foreign-looking male was shaving the head of another man in the 500 block of Camino del Rio.

Nov. 9 – 6:44 p.m. A trash can was blowing in the wind and creating a traffic hazard near South Camino del Rio and Colorado Highway 3.

Nov. 19 – 7:32 a.m. A homeless man was sleeping in someone’s barn and ignited a bonfire in the 500 block of East Fourth Avenue.

Nov. 29 – 1:22 a.m. A woman reported her fluorescent pink Schwinn bicycle was stolen from El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

December

Dec. 2 – 1:09 a.m. A neighbor filed a noise complaint when a hot-tub party blared loud music in the 700 block of East Fifth Ave.

Dec. 2 – 10:46 a.m. A resident reported that his landlord was prohibiting him from getting his mail in the 2300 block of Black Forest Avenue.

Dec. 4 – 4:23 p.m. Someone called the police to report a suspected murderer with face and hand tattoos near the Main Mall, 835 Main Ave.

Dec. 4 – 12:49 p.m. An intoxicated man was in a Walmart bathroom for more than an hour, 1155 South Camino del Rio.

Dec. 9 – 1:04 p.m. A drunken man called 911 to report a semitrailer was blocking his car in the parking lot of south City Market, 6 Town Plaza.

Dec. 15 – 1:47 a.m. Someone reported a malfunctioning car horn in the east 800 block of Fourth Street.

Dec. 16 – 5:25 p.m. Someone reported seeing a suspicious older man holding a baby at the bus stop in front of Kentucky Fried Chicken, 2933 Main Ave.

Dec. 18 – 1:32 p.m. A group of juveniles was toilet-papering someone’s house and attempting to light the toilet paper on fire in the 1100 block of East Fifth Avenue.

Dec. 18 – 5:59 p.m. Two men stole three bottles of Delsym 12-Hour Cough Relief from Walgreens, 2701 Main Ave.

Dec. 24 – 8:54 a.m. A caller from the 3700 block of Main Avenue identified himself as Lady Gaga’s son and said he had been kidnapped.

Dec. 27 – 8:22 a.m. A resident in the 100 block of Alan Road reported a mountain lion in the backyard.

Herald Staff