{"id":15907,"date":"2025-10-30T09:53:14","date_gmt":"2025-10-30T15:53:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/more-light-less-heat\/"},"modified":"2026-03-31T03:52:09","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T03:52:09","slug":"more-light-less-heat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/more-light-less-heat\/","title":{"rendered":"More light, less heat"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ron
Ron Price<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n

This week, I\u2019ll wrap up our look at the four components of Principled Negotiation. In prior weeks, we\u2019ve discussed separating the people from the problem, focusing on interests rather than positions, and working together to generate new options for mutual benefit. The final component is to insist on using objective criteria.<\/p>\n

Before diving into that, let\u2019s recall the purpose of Principled Negotiation. It\u2019s designed not only to resolve a disagreement but also to preserve the relationship between the parties. According to Roger Fisher and William Ury, co-authors of Getting to Yes, \u201cthe approach is to commit yourself to reaching a solution based on principle, not pressure.\u201d They advise negotiators to \u201cconcentrate on the merits of the problem, not the mettle of the parties,\u201d and to \u201cbe open to reason, but closed to threats.\u201d That\u2019s where this fourth step proves so valuable.<\/p>\n

In nearly every dispute, there are two basic ways to resolve it: your way or their way. Let\u2019s be honest: are you really more interested in the other person\u2019s solution than your own? Probably not. And do you think they\u2019re overly concerned about yours? Again, no. We\u2019re wired to put our own needs first. Hopefully, as we mature, we learn to balance our interests with those of others, but the world\u2019s most popular radio station remains WIIFM \u2013 What\u2019s In It For Me?<\/p>\n

That mindset isn\u2019t entirely bad. If we don\u2019t look out for our own interests, who will? The problem comes when we take it too far. I\u2019ve seen people insist on having things their way, no matter the relational cost. That may work for someone who truly doesn\u2019t need other people, but for the rest of us, it\u2019s not a good strategy.<\/p>\n

Instead of pressuring each other to accept our terms, a better approach is to agree to base the decision on objective criteria, neutral standards that both sides trust. Let me illustrate.<\/p>\n

Years ago, I decided to sell my 1989 Honda Accord LXi. It had 163,000 miles and was in decent shape, but I wanted something newer. (And for the record, I believe that principle applies only to cars, not spouses.) I listed it for $3,500. A potential buyer came by, liked the car, and offered $2,800. I said no. He repeated his offer. I repeated my price. We weren\u2019t getting anywhere.<\/p>\n

So we decided to check the NADA guide to determine the fair market value. By relying on neutral, published data rather than personal opinion, we could hopefully make a fair, reasoned decision. That\u2019s objective criteria at work. We were not obligated to go with the criteria, but it helped to make the decision-making less personal and potentially heated.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another example. Suppose you\u2019re building a house, and the contractor announces he\u2019ll dig the foundation only 6 inches deep instead of the agreed-upon 18. You envision Dorothy\u2019s house flying through the air and tell him that\u2019s unacceptable. He argues that since he already compromised by changing the roof pitch, you should now compromise on the foundation depth. Do you agree? Of course not.<\/p>\n

The smart move would be to consult the local building code. That standard, not your opinion or his, becomes the objective measure of what\u2019s right. It turns the argument from personal to practical.<\/p>\n

Objective criteria can take many forms, i.e., industry standards, expert opinions, legal precedents, or even mutually trusted data sources. The point is to ground your decision in something independent of either party\u2019s will or ego. When you do, negotiations tend to become less emotional and more constructive.<\/p>\n

In the end, insisting on objective criteria doesn\u2019t guarantee that everyone will walk away contented, but it does make it more likely that both sides will feel respected, heard, and fairly treated. And when that happens, relationships are strengthened instead of strained.<\/p>\n

Ron Price, who has a master\u2019s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the \u201cPlay Nice in Your Sandbox\u201d book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Ron at ron@ronprice.com<\/a> and (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

objective standards can prevent heated arguments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13307,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[1091,29],"naviga_topic":[],"class_list":["post-15907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-columns","tag-newsletter"],"acf":[],"author_name":"dh_admin","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15907","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15907"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15907\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19908,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15907\/revisions\/19908"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15907"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15907"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15907"},{"taxonomy":"naviga_topic","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/naviga_topic?post=15907"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}