{"id":14901,"date":"2025-12-10T20:45:16","date_gmt":"2025-12-11T03:45:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/the-relationship-bank-account\/"},"modified":"2026-03-30T21:45:17","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T03:45:17","slug":"the-relationship-bank-account","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/the-relationship-bank-account\/","title":{"rendered":"The relationship bank account"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ron
Ron Price<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Relationships can be tricky. Life often feels like it\u2019s moving at breakneck speed, becoming more complicated by the day. People are stretched thin, pulled in multiple directions, and carrying more stress than they realize. With everyone moving so fast, it doesn\u2019t take much to rub someone the wrong way and put a relationship in a fragile place.<\/p>\n

Whether we\u2019re talking about a spouse, a child, a friend, a coworker, a church member or even the neighbor who always waves from across the street, the same truth applies: relationships need care. They don\u2019t run on autopilot. That\u2019s why I want to share a concept that has proven incredibly helpful for repairing strained relationships and protecting healthy ones.<\/p>\n

Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, <\/em>called it the \u201cEmotional Bank Account.\u201d Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs, <\/em>described something similar and labeled it the \u201cLove Bank.\u201d I prefer a broader term: the Relationship Bank Account. Whatever name you choose, the idea is simple and powerful: If you want positive, resilient relationships of any kind, you need to pay attention to what you\u2019re depositing into and withdrawing from each account.<\/p>\n

There are two ways to strengthen or maintain a relationship with anyone: increase positive contributions or reduce harmful ones.<\/p>\n

Positive contributions \u2013 your \u201cdeposits\u201d \u2013 are behaviors that build trust, goodwill and emotional safety. These include simple gestures like showing respect, offering a sincere compliment, being patient, listening without interrupting or doing something thoughtful when it isn\u2019t expected. They don\u2019t have to be grand displays. Small, consistent actions often matter most. The real trick is to identify what the other person experiences as a deposit. A gesture that feels meaningful to you might not land the same way with them.<\/p>\n

Gary Chapman\u2019s classic book The Five Love Languages<\/em> explains how people feel valued in different ways. For one person, a meaningful deposit might be a kind word. For another, it might be quality time, practical help or a thoughtful surprise. Understanding their \u201clanguage\u201d is like learning the combination to their relational safe.<\/p>\n

Withdrawals, on the other hand, work exactly as you\u2019d expect. They drain the account and leave a mark. Unfortunately, they are often easier to make than deposits. Criticism, sarcasm, broken promises, impatience, dismissiveness, inconsistency and neglect are all common examples. Some withdrawals hurt deeply and have lingering consequences; others may seem small but still chip away at connection. Healthy relationships can absorb an occasional withdrawal, but a steady stream will strain or even break almost any bond.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a question for you: If you want to improve a relationship and could only choose one option \u2013 increase your deposits or decrease your withdrawals \u2013 which would you pick?<\/p>\n

Most people choose \u201cmake more deposits.\u201d It feels active, positive and doable. But research tells a different story.<\/p>\n

According to relationship expert John Gottman and others, it takes five to 15 deposits to offset the impact of a single withdrawal. Put differently, you can\u2019t balance the account by simply matching one good deed for every misstep. A single withdrawal carries far more weight than most of us realize. It takes a series of sincere, well-timed deposits just to bring the relationship back to neutral.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why the smarter strategy \u2013 the one with the greatest payoff \u2013 is to focus first on reducing withdrawals. When you make a real effort to avoid behaviors that injure, irritate or disrespect another person, your deposits finally get a chance to work. They build up. They count. They move the relationship into positive territory rather than just repairing damage.<\/p>\n

This may not be common sense, but I wish it were common practice. Your relationships \u2013 every one of them \u2013 can be stronger if you pay attention to your RBA.<\/p>\n

Ron Price, who has a master\u2019s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the Play Nice in Your Sandbox book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Price at ron@ronprice.com<\/a> or (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.<\/p>\n

Ron Price, who has a master\u2019s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the \u201cPlay Nice in Your Sandbox\u201d book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Ron at ron@ronprice.com<\/a> and (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pricecca Relationships can be tricky. Life often feels like it\u2019s moving at breakneck speed, becoming more complicated by the day. People are stretched thin, pulled in multiple directions, and carrying more stress than they realize. With everyone moving so fast, it doesn\u2019t take much to rub someone the wrong way and put a relationship […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13307,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[1091,29],"naviga_topic":[],"class_list":["post-14901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-columns","tag-newsletter"],"acf":[],"author_name":"dh_admin","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14901"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14901\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19410,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14901\/revisions\/19410"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14901"},{"taxonomy":"naviga_topic","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/naviga_topic?post=14901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}