{"id":14195,"date":"2025-12-31T22:16:22","date_gmt":"2026-01-01T05:16:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/dementia-care-is-a-full-time-job-durango-support-group-says-caregivers-arent-alone\/"},"modified":"2026-03-30T21:44:58","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T03:44:58","slug":"dementia-care-is-a-full-time-job-durango-support-group-says-caregivers-arent-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/dementia-care-is-a-full-time-job-durango-support-group-says-caregivers-arent-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"Dementia care is a full-time job; Durango support group says caregivers aren\u2019t alone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"The
The Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meets the first, third and fifth Wednesdays of each month at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center. About 12 to 18 people attend to share experiences and offer advice. (Jerry McBride\/Durango Herald)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Grief is often associated with death, says Paul Rado, 71, of La Plata County. But as he cares for his wife Jackie, 77, who has Alzheimer\u2019s disease, he\u2019s experiencing another kind of grief.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmbiguous grief,\u201d he said, is the sorrow felt for someone who\u2019s alive but no longer the same.<\/p>\n

Paul said he grieves for his old life with Jackie, who now needs constant care. They married in 1983 and have continued strong for 42 years. But they can\u2019t reminisce about their life together like they used to because Jackie doesn\u2019t remember it.<\/p>\n

\"Rob
Rob Butrymowicz, whose wife suffers from dementia, shares his frustrations and concerns at a Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meeting at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center on Dec. 17. Joy, grief and frustration \u2013 a range of emotions caregivers experience looking after their loved ones with dementia \u2013 are often on display. (Jerry McBride\/Durango Herald)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s in 2022, Paul said, although her symptoms began two years earlier during the COVID-19 pandemic.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou feel like they\u2019re gone, but they\u2019re still here,\u201d he said. \u201cYou\u2019re looking at a totally different person than (who) you\u2019ve been living with all these years, and she can\u2019t express anything because her memory is trashed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022. Paul attends meetings held by the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center, and the support group has been helpful as he navigates life as a caregiver. (Courtesy of Paul Rado)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>
\n

In this series<\/h4>\n

Sunday: How one family is dealing with an Alzheimer\u2019s diagnosis and preparing for what may come.<\/p>\n

Today<\/strong>: Caregivers in La Plata County help patients and families cope with exhaustion and frustrations. But they need help, too. Friday: The Durango Dementia Coalition connects the dots between rural services and resources patients are otherwise left to discover on their own.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Paul said he can\u2019t recall exactly when he began attending meetings held by the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center, but they have been mightily helpful as he navigates life as a caregiver.<\/p>\n

Caring for a loved one with dementia becomes a demanding affair as the patient loses their memory, personality and independence, said Sheila Lee, co-facilitator of the support group. The group gives caregivers the knowledge and comradeship to carry on.<\/p>\n

Knowledge is an especially powerful tool when it comes to taking care of someone with Alzheimer\u2019s or another form of dementia, she said.<\/p>\n

Sharing experiences with people who get it<\/div>\n

The Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meets the first, third and fifth Wednesday of the month at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center. Between 12 and 18 people usually attend, Lee said.<\/p>\n

\"Durango
Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meetings are often an emotional roller-coaster. Participants share their joys, pains and frustrations. Chuck Hoover, a participant at a recent meeting, laughs upon sharing a heartfelt anecdote about an interaction he had with his wife, who has dementia. (Jerry McBride\/Durango Herald)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

The meetings are often an emotional roller coaster. Participants share their joys, pains and frustrations \u2013 fleeting moments of love or lucidity; financial pains and family disagreements involving attorneys; and the toll dementia takes on the people inflicted and those around them.<\/p>\n

Group members at a Dec. 17 meeting laughed with one participant who shared anecdotes of uplifting little moments between him and his wife, who has dementia.<\/p>\n

The man said his wife didn\u2019t recognize him as they lay in bed one evening. Despite her damaged memory, her sense of humor was perfectly intact \u2013 she told him to remind her to ask for his number before he left in the morning.<\/p>\n

He brought in a spare clock designed for people with dementia, offering it to whoever might get use out of it. The clock had a digital interface that, he said, displays the time, time of day (morning, afternoon, night), and the day of the week in large, easy-to-read text and numbers. Another participant eagerly accepted the clock.<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul Rado, whose wife, Jackie, was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022, listens during a Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meeting on Dec. 16 at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center. The couple recently moved from Wildcat Canyon to a smaller home in the Animas Valley because Jackie was struggling with the outdoor stairs at their former home. (Jerry McBride\/Durango Herald)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Paul Rado said the support group is helpful because he gets to listen to other people\u2019s stories, explain problems he\u2019s having with his wife \u2013 her memory is fading and she can\u2019t walk well, for example \u2013 and other group members share what has worked for them.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s nice to have other people that have these same problems,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\n

Newsletter signup<\/h4>\n

To receive daily or breaking news alerts, visit www.durangoherald.com\/newsletter-signup\/<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Lee said a patient\u2019s change in behavior or unusual mannerisms are particularly vexing for caregivers, who already find themselves exhausted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe person\u2019s personality has changed a great deal, and communication skills are much, much different than they have been prior to the diagnosis,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

The support group teaches caregivers how to communicate with simpler sentences, asking fewer questions and reducing the number of choices their loved one must answer.<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022, although she started showing symptoms in 2020. Now Paul is a full-time caregiver. He attends the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group to vent and learn from other caregivers who know what he and his wife are going through. (Courtesy of Paul Rado)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

\u201cYou get sort of the \u2018deer in the headlights\u2019 when you ask a question, so you make more of a statement and let the person build on it,\u201d Lee said.<\/p>\n

\u2018The 36-Hour Day\u2019<\/div>\n

Tucked into a small room at the back of the Senior Center\u2019s cafeteria is a plethora of books, pamphlets and brochures about dementia and resources.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019The 36-Hour Day\u2019 is exceptional,\u201d Lee said.<\/p>\n

Written by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins, \u201cThe 36-Hour Day\u201d is a leading guidebook that has been in print for more than 40 years, according to Johns Hopkins University Press.<\/p>\n

\"Sheila
Sheila Lee, right, and Carol Godwin, both Alzheimer\u2019s Association support group facilitators, lead the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group meeting on Dec. 16 at the Durango-La Plata County Senior Center. The Support Group\u2019s doors are open to caregivers of people with any stage of dementia. It\u2019s a place to vent frustrations, express challenges and seek advice from others going through similar experiences. (Jerry McBride\/Durango Herald)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Lee said the book, which is on its eighth edition, isn\u2019t a book one would read cover to cover. It\u2019s more of a manual, and its index is useful for quickly finding subjects such as insomnia, behaviors, bathing struggles and other particular challenges.<\/p>\n

She said the book\u2019s name is a reference to the number of hours in the day it would take for a caregiver to do all he or she has to do, because a caregiver is dealing with his or her own life in addition to another person\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

Paul said his wife hates bathing and always needs to be talked into taking a bath or a shower.<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022, although she started showing symptoms in 2020. Now Paul is a full-time caregiver. He attends the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group to vent and learn from other caregivers who know what he and his wife are going through.<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s something that you and I do by ourselves, but she needs help with that,\u201d he said. \u201cWe have a lady that comes over to give her a shower, but she doesn\u2019t want to do it, so you gotta talk her into it. Oh boy. She does not want to take a shower.\u201d<\/p>\n

La Plata County resident Al Jason, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s last year<\/a>, said his wife Meme has posted notes around the house reminding him to make sure the freezer door is closed and the stove burners are off.<\/p>\n

Paul said he has a similar setup in his and Jackie\u2019s trailer in the Animas Valley.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need little helpful hints,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Dementia doesn\u2019t have to be scary<\/div>\n

The Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group\u2019s doors are open to caregivers with family members in any stage of dementia, Lee said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne problem is that a lot of people don\u2019t realize that this resource is available,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Lee\u2019s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s in 1997. She said she didn\u2019t know the first thing about dementia or Alzheimer\u2019s. Her first instinct was to call the Alzheimer\u2019s Association \u2013 something that doesn\u2019t occur to most people.<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022. Paul said Jackie used to read a lot and used to be talkative. Now, she hardly ever talks. She doesn\u2019t read because she mixes words up when she tries. She gets stuck on a single paragraph. The change in her personality has been a scary experience, for herself and for Paul, Paul said. (Courtesy of Paul Rado)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

The Alzheimer\u2019s Association used to have an office in Durango, although that closed during COVID-19 and never reopened, she said. A hotline is still available by phone and she recommends it. The Alzheimer\u2019s Association provides first, second, third and following steps for someone whose loved one has been diagnosed with the disease.<\/p>\n

Paul said Jackie used to read a lot and used to be talkative. Now, she hardly ever talks. She doesn\u2019t read because she mixes words up when she tries. She gets stuck on a single paragraph.<\/p>\n

The change in her personality has been a scary experience, for herself and for Paul, her husband said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome people get violent. Jackie hasn\u2019t gotten violent yet, but I\u2019m sure she will as things progress,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\n

Twiddle muffs for comfort<\/h4>\n

Twiddle muffs \u2013 hand warmers with textures, objects and sensory features such as buttons and ribbons \u2013 are prized for their ability to provide stimulation to people with dementia, including Alzheimer\u2019s disease and Parkinson\u2019s disease. Cindy Scholfield began knitting twiddle muffs in early 2025 and has made at least 60 to be given for free to dementia patients around La Plata County. They are available in both wool and acrylic materials.\u201cThis calming activity gives one the opportunity to fidget any restlessness and anxiety away,\u201d a flyer says. \u201cThe muff shape is also a great hand warmer for those with cold hands or circulation issues.\u201dScholfield said she stitches her twiddle muffs with No. 7 or No. 8 circular needles with approximately 60 stitches per muff.\u201cA twiddle muff is a thoughtful and effective way to offer support and comfort to a loved one or patient, enriching their daily experience with simple, yet powerful sensory engagement,\u201d the flyer says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Lee said witnessing the gradual transformation of someone\u2019s personality doesn\u2019t have to be scary. It\u2019s alarming upon diagnosis, but the more one educates themselves about dementia, the easier their time adapting to it will be.<\/p>\n

When dealing with her mother\u2019s diagnosis, she said going to trainings and learning about the disease gave her the knowledge she needed to better communicate with her mother and meet her needs.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost people do not reach out and learn this. So it\u2019s bewildering to me to wonder what goes on under that roof,\u201d she said. \u201cIf you were tossed into something with no background, no education \u2013 how in the world would you handle it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022, although she started showing symptoms in 2020. Now Paul is a full-time caregiver. He attends the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group to vent and learn from other caregivers who know what he and his wife are going through. (Courtesy of Paul Rado)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

The Support Group\u2019s resources are available in English and Spanish, and include:<\/p>\n

Additional information about the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group.Contact information for the Alzheimer\u2019s Association. Medical alert cards caregivers can give out that explain a patient\u2019s condition in simple language: \u201cThe person with me is memory impaired and may require a few extra moments. Your understanding is appreciated.\u201d<\/div>\n

A particularly valuable resource, Lee said, is \u201cPlanning Your Journey: A Care Planning Tool for People with Dementia, Families, and Caregivers,\u201d produced by the Durango Dementia Coalition with support from Mercy Hospital.<\/p>\n

\"Paul
Paul and Jackie Rado have been married 42 years. Jackie was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s disease in 2022, although she started showing symptoms in 2020. Now Paul is a full-time caregiver. He attends the Durango Dementia Caregiver Support Group to vent and learn from other caregivers who know what he and his wife are going through. (Courtesy of Paul Rado)<\/span>cca<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

The 35-page booklet was initiated by Pat Demarest, founder of the Durango Dementia Coalition, and includes a comprehensive list of local, state and federal resources.<\/p>\n

It addresses subjects such as how to live with dementia; how to navigate legal, medical and financial planning; and how to approach and talk with medical care providers, among other subjects.<\/p>\n

cburney@durangoherald.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

About this series<\/h4>\n

Dementia is a disease that cripples the mind by eroding cognitive functions such as memory, language and social skills. Over time, it warps a person\u2019s personality and takes away his or her independence, impacting one\u2019s ability to perform even simple daily tasks. Alzheimer\u2019s disease alone \u2013 the most common type of dementia \u2013 affects about 1,100 people in La Plata County and more than 7 million Americans across the country. Dementia imposes significant physical and financial burdens on families across La Plata County. Though there is no cure for dementia of any kind, patients and their caregivers can live more comfortably with medication and certain lifestyle changes. In this series, we visit those afflicted, tell stories of family members who endure the long goodbye, and examine the efforts of caregivers and support groups as they shepherd patients and loved ones into the fog.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Resources available for exhausted family members in La Plata County<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14196,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[1595,1357,28,61,714,994],"naviga_topic":[],"class_list":["post-14195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-alzheimers-disease","tag-contests","tag-headlines","tag-health","tag-human-interest","tag-trueanthem"],"acf":[],"author_name":"dh_admin","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14195","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14195"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19379,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14195\/revisions\/19379"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14195"},{"taxonomy":"naviga_topic","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/naviga_topic?post=14195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}