{"id":127170,"date":"2026-05-01T15:27:00","date_gmt":"2026-05-01T21:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/when-conflict-turns-into-avoidance\/"},"modified":"2026-05-01T15:27:00","modified_gmt":"2026-05-01T21:27:00","slug":"when-conflict-turns-into-avoidance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/when-conflict-turns-into-avoidance\/","title":{"rendered":"When conflict turns into avoidance"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ron
Ron Price<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Editor\u2019s note: This is the fourth segment of a five-column series.<\/em><\/p>\n

Life is all about relationships. That may seem simplistic to some, but think it through, and I believe you\u2019ll find that what matters most to you involves your relationships with others. I mention this because for the past few columns we have been looking at what can wound and ultimately destroy a relationship. This week we cover the fourth component, or as I have been calling them, \u201cgerms.\u201d<\/p>\n

This fourth germ is avoidance or withdrawal. It typically follows one or more of the previously discussed germs \u2013 escalation, negative interpretation or invalidation. Folks get so upset with each other that they can barely communicate in a civil, respectful manner.<\/p>\n

Sometimes one wants to talk and the other doesn\u2019t, so they do the dance around the kitchen table, or around the conference table, out the door and around the block. That may be an exaggeration, but if you\u2019ve ever been in a situation where you wanted to talk and the other person was trying to get away, you recognize the dance. The same is true if you\u2019re the one seeking refuge and the other is demanding that you talk right now.<\/p>\n

Since this dance is so common, let\u2019s take a closer look. The ironic part of this dance is that both parties are typically well motivated, but neither believes the other is. The one who wants to talk, often but not always the female, is typically thinking, \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and discuss this so we can fix it and get back to a harmonious relationship.\u201d She, or at times he, is well motivated, as they are seeking to engage in constructive conversation.<\/p>\n

The one who does not want to talk is typically thinking, \u201cAs upset as I am right now, I am likely going to say or do something I will regret.\u201d With this thought in mind, it\u2019s easy to understand that this person is also well motivated in wanting to exit the conversation.<\/p>\n

So, if each is well motivated, where, you might ask, is the problem? So glad you asked. The person who wants to talk and fix the situation understandably, though inaccurately, perceives the other as not wanting to fix the situation. They perceive the one leaving as rejecting them or the relationship. If the relationship means something to the pursuer, he or she cannot simply let them go.<\/p>\n

The one wanting to make an exit perceives the pursuer as trying to start trouble, since in their mind they are leaving to avoid trouble. In their mind, they are rejecting the argument rather than the relationship. They likely have every intention of coming back. They simply don\u2019t understand the other\u2019s apparent desire to keep the fire stirred up.<\/p>\n

Not all of life\u2019s problems come with a quick fix, but this one does. If the one who wants to leave would simply announce their reason for wanting a temporary time-out, along with their willingness to come back and discuss, then the one wanting to talk must let them go. The matter will be discussed, but later, hopefully at a more productive time.<\/p>\n

The simple ability to call a time-out could save numerous relationships in the workplace and at home. Just remember, this is time-out, not cop-out. Either party is allowed to call a time-out once. Whoever calls it must also schedule the time-in, the time when you will discuss the matter, typically within 24 hours. If you really don\u2019t want to discuss an issue and you repeatedly call time-out, you are being disrespectful to the other and to the relationship.<\/p>\n

Now I know some of you are thinking, \u201cThis sounds good, but we\u2019ve tried talking about certain issues and it\u2019s always a disaster.\u201d Well, that\u2019s likely because you\u2019ve never been able to discuss sensitive issues in a calm, productive manner. Have patience; we\u2019ll get there. Just keep reading.<\/p>\n

Ron Price, who has a master\u2019s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the \u201cPlay Nice in Your Sandbox\u201d book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Ron at ron@ronprice.com<\/a> and (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Price Editor\u2019s note: This is the fourth segment of a five-column series. Life is all about relationships. That may seem simplistic to some, but think it through, and I believe you\u2019ll find that what matters most to you involves your relationships with others. I mention this because for the past few columns we have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13307,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5758,6310],"tags":[1091,29,1829,6419],"naviga_topic":[],"class_list":["post-127170","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columnists","category-lessons-from-the-sandbox","tag-columns","tag-newsletter","tag-tcr-trueanthem","tag-tj-trueanthem"],"acf":[],"author_name":"dh_admin","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127170","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=127170"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127170\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=127170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=127170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=127170"},{"taxonomy":"naviga_topic","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dh.durangoherald.com\/tj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/naviga_topic?post=127170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}